NEDA Week 2020: Start as you are
The seventh theme of NEDA last year was "come as you are." It was an important celebration of the backdrop of diversity and representation in the recovery community and in the field of medicine. It also made me think of the unique perspectives I bring to our recovery, the fact that there are no two healing processes that look like it, which is something I wrote about in this article.
The topic is being repeated this year, and I'm thinking of it in a new way. “Come as You Are” is an invitation to be shown as our own, yes. But I think it can also be greeted as an invitation to my recovery exactly as we are in the present—We are also ready to be born or feared or encouraged.
This idea is close to my heart, because waking up recovery took me really, really long. My eating disorder began with age & # 39; and involved two relapses. Even in the midst of a relapse, my eating relationship was upset and I was often ill. It took me about thirteen years to fully recover, and my recovery decade showed me that the process was always open.
In the course of my eating disorder, I have experienced periods of denial about the fact that something is wrong. This was especially true when I returned to it, centuries ago, ruled by orthorexia. I am convinced that all of my claims are justified for medical reasons, which is part of the reason why that return was difficult to keep as it was.
In many other areas of my mission, I was aware of the fact that I was sick and not living the full life I wanted if I did not recover. I knew that things needed to change, but I avoided that change, sometimes deliberately and sometimes to get over me, through delays and delays. Why?
I think a lot of it was related to my underlying anxiety, which is something I could only see at a time and perspective. Today, I am aware of my concerns and strive to actively manage treatment. As a young person with an eating disorder, I cannot identify or name the anxiety that has always been there. I just knew that I was often nervous, uncomfortable, or overweight, and that I was feeling better when I was controlling my diet.
I always think about changing my eating habits: expanding my diet, increasing portions, eating scary foods, and saying yes to more restaurant foods. I do not need anyone to tell me that these were necessary steps for establishing a good relationship with food; I have learned to be sensitive, in my time. I wake up this morning with the intention of doing something, something, differently.
But then something can happen – conflict, stressful placement or deadline, a physical symptom that has triggered my ambition for hypochondria – and my anxiety will come out. And I was so scared, not only for the anxiety that triggered my anxiety but also for the anxiety itself, which was sad, and I think, "not today."
I tell myself tomorrow, when I have the opportunity to calm down, to be in the right frame of mind to discuss my eating habits. But of course you can imagine what happened next: I will wake up the next day, worry about something new, and things will take a step back. This has been going on for days, weeks, and finally years.
All I thought was that I knew it all, but I didn't want to admit it, it was that there would never be a day, let alone a series of days at a time, when I had nothing to worry about. To recover, I needed to feel the urge and still have the courage to change my eating habits, and even if I did, I felt more at risk.
Years later, I believed that they would never make the “right” moment of doing what we fear. Large professional careers, new experiences, personal growth, jumping into someone's unknown: it's hard to be prepared for things like this, where there is often a risk. And if you are worried about living with stress, the unpleasant truth is that your life will never be free of stimulants.
There is something to be said for early thinking, of course. Kulligeenba I uqalnay some time and space to prepare. But when it comes to scary missions that may also be life-saving, such as eating a recovery from trauma, the right time is now. No matter how terrified, equipped, or resilient you feel.
I don't know myself how much she recovered. It takes as long as it takes, and there are reasons why my work is slow and stubborn as it was. But if I had the opportunity to encourage my little self to jump so fast, I would help. Life is time, and the time we have is precious.
If you have been thinking about recovery for a while, know that it is okay to feel unprepared and will never be there. Fear is normal. Anger and resistance are normal. Well you don't have to wake up one morning to get ready: if it works like this, we won't be taking that much more of us.
Know that it is alright – and, indeed, not short of surprise – to show the recovery of all the tranquility you feel. With all your perseverance and anger and shame and fear. Well you come as you are, along with all your belongings and problems. You don't have to be prepared or realize that it is what you want. You just have to be prepared: to be ready to try a different way of being, to be ready to go into the unknown, to be ready to stumble along the way.
The will is easier to say what to do, I know. But it is much more accessible than the preparation or enthusiasm we think, and it is not limited to living in harmony with what you fear. You can be prepared and scary at the same time. Or, to repeat the quote I read recently, "it is courage and fear, not courage or fear."
At NEDA this week, I encourage anyone who is considering recovering to show up now, as you are, believing that the power you need will manifest itself as you move forward. I guarantee you are stronger and more resilient than you believe you are. That's just the way it is for people: we are always more capable of giving ourselves consideration, and our fears are usually less than the reality of what we fear. Recovery was really difficult – one of the hardest things I have ever done – but it didn't happen as bad as I thought it would be. Life on the other hand was sweeter and more amazing than I could have ever imagined.
What needs healing changes over the course of our lives, but my experience has become that all healing depends. My recovery & # 39; ED & # 39; it gave me a reference to other healing processes, which I am still working on, despite my fears and anxieties and my motivation to be still.
Today, as I encourage those recovering to take the proverb, I also encourage myself to be less fearful in my efforts to prevent anxiety and release judgment. I remind myself that now is the best time to try out new ways and I am more comfortable with change rather than praise myself. I have already made this clear. I can do it again.
These are my thoughts on this week's NEDA of 2020, but I'll share more on my Instagram as this week continues. I always welcome you to attend or share (or watch silently) from there.
Thanks for reading and making space for this topic year after year. Take care of your body and your depression, now and always.
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